FAQ’s for married people
Our newly-wed grandson, Daniel, and his lovely wife, Emily, will not understand this post. Let’s hope it will be years before they quit having genuine conversations. For the rest, however, you can use this as a wall chart to save breath. Instead of repeating the same questions and answers forever, simply use a number.
- 1. Where are my (socks) (library books) (teeth)?
- I dunno.
- 2. Why don’t we ever have (gravy) (chocolate cake) (barbecue ribs)?
- Have you seen the clothes in the Fat as a Pig department?
- 3. Why do you lock the doors when I go put out the garbage?
- I didn’t do it.
- 4. Why don’t you call (your sister) (my nephew) (my old fraternity brother) and see how they’re doing?
- Why don’t you?
- 5. Where do you keep the ice water?
- In the microwave.
- 6. What is that dark stuff (around the doorknob) (on my shirt) (on the dog)?
- 7. When are you going to (clean the ceiling) (plant a big garden) (wax the car)?
- Right after I get a tattoo on my rear end.
Notice that there are many more possible questions than answers. I didn’t even list the popular “Yes,” “No,” “Maybe,” and “Soon,” which deserve their own numbers. They may all mean the same thing, depending on context and mood. For example, in response to “Are you done yet?” or “Are you ready to go?” They are polite and handy euphemisms for “When pigs fly out of my ______,” or “You’ll know when I’m damn well ready to say so.”
This list can be tailored to your individual lives. Hope you will share your favorites.