Florida, Heaven for Lobbyists

I just read in the Tampa Bay Times that we may have more lobbyists per capita than any other state.

Okay, I made that up. However, we do have 3,235 lobbyists registered to tug on the elbows of the legislature (of 100 members) and 4,925 to pressure and pester the governor and his aides in the executive wing. These are only the registered, official lobbyists, mind you. This doesn't count the people that pay these lobbyists, either, and they are not volunteers. What's wrong with this picture?

Back in my working days (!) one of my jobs was to communicate with Pinellas County's lobbyist, or legislative liason as she was known. I would get copies of thousands of proposed bills, figure out which county employees or officials might be affected, and ask them to comment back to the lobbyist. Typical comment: What the f*ck to those Tallahassee morons trying to do to us? 

A recurring theme is for the state government to pass duties off to the local governments to pay for. The jobs they keep for themselves are largely privatized, which means a way to hire somebody's unqualified son-in-law to do something that didn't really need doing, and funnel lots of money to him as a favor to the family for contributing lots of money to the "job creator."

As the legislature goes into session, keep your wallet hidden and your eyes and ears open. Perk up when you hear the terms "privatized" or "job creation." They mean different things to different people.

Who are these people?

Who are these people that enjoy posting fibs on the internet? I know who signs their name and pretends to quote Billy Graham or Mr. Rogers or Bill Cosby or Andy Rooney. You may think they are actual quotes, except they never said such mean, untrue, and offensive things. Someone, perhaps many someones, sits in a smelly dark room and makes them up. 

If you checked with any one of the many fact-checker services, you would know there is not a grain of truth there, or maybe enough of a grain to hook you. Maybe you want to believe it is true, that “The Newtown shootings would never have happened if we had prayer in our schools.” Maybe “Obama has a secret agenda to come to your house and break down the doors and take all your guns, or ammunition.” Maybe you want to believe that “Hitler rose to power by restricting gun ownership,” when the opposite is true. Maybe you know these statements are not true, but that if they are spread far and wide they will become true.

One thing is true. When you pass these quotes on, you are telling me and others that you think they are true. You are also telling us that you agree with them. You are also telling us that you’re too lazy to find out whether they are true or false. And that makes us lose respect for you.

Pop Quiz

The Christmas group, 2012

Standing: Lazara, Doug, Emily, Daniel, Jason, Sarah Jean, Jacob
Seated: CJ, Carol, Miley the Dog
Elsewhere: Mima (Ft. Lauderdale), June and Kevin (San Francisco)

We didn't photoshop the missing persons in this year, but then we didn't do another cookbook, either. How well do you know us?
Which 3 are stage hands? Which 2 used to be? Which 2 are lawyers? Which one will be? Which 2 were born in Cuba? Who has grown more hair in the last year? Who is a CPA? Which 2 are aeronautical engineers? Who is a U of Washington alum? U of Miami? USF? Which two are FSU? Which one is a Gator? Which 2 are Baylor? Which two are Stetson? Which one poops in the yard? (OK, that one should be easy.) Who is the best cook? (OK, this one should be hard.)

Manger Scene

Lest you may have interpreted my last blog to think that I hate Christmas, let me set you straight. It's not about tacky lawn ornaments or Christmas Specials in the stores. It's about friends, families, traditions, Baby Jesus, and memories. All of these are wrapped up in our ratty old manger scene.

It is made of paper mache, intended to look like Italian Renaissance porcelain. It was passed around in the family for years before we gave it a home. It had seen better days. The figures were ten to twelve inches tall if intact, but they weren't. None of the sheep had four legs, the camel's neck was broken, the cow had no horns, the shepherd had no crook. We made replacement parts out of plastic clay and painted them. The shepherd was happy to have a swizzle stick as a crook. Every year we had more patching to do.

Worst of all was the after-market Baby Jesus, who was way too big for his red plastic strawberry basket manger filled with pink Easter grass. He sort  of lay in there at an angle, and looked like a five-year old Eddie Haskell. One year I found a perfect replacement, the right size, in a believable manger, and he actually looked like a baby. However, you can't just toss the original in the trash, so we have always had two. Jason called them the Babies Jesi.

The original group took up about three feet on the buffet, arranged on a sheet of white cotton batting. We stuck books under it in the back that could have been sand dunes. The kids began adding characters from their toy box, so the display grew every year. Horses and cows seemed to belong, but there were no rules. A tiny train set, Happy Meal characters such as the Little Mermaid showed up. Santa Claus.
Little green army men. Lions, tigers, even a gorilla were welcome. The display got so large that there is no room in our down-sized house. We are hoping one of our kids or grandkids will give it a home.

Christmas Confusion

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand much of this Christmas stuff. God knows, I try. I religiously watch the Macy's parade and hope to get infused with the Christmas Spirit, whatever that is. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and Spiderman balloons and wonder what they're doing up there. Maybe a Baby Jesus balloon wouldn't be quite right, either, though.

I go shopping, to see if that will help with the blahs. The decorations and gifts that have been there since Labor Day are looking a little dusty, and are already marked down. The gift guides in every magazine and paper try to convince me to send my loved ones socks or TV's. What do they have to do with Christmas?

Lawn decorations are a mystery. One neighbor had life-sized animated people, animals, and elves climbing all around inside their garage, to make it look like an old-fashioned department store window. There were so many cars and buses lined up that we were prisoners in our house. This year is all about wire deer, dolphins, locomotives and even a helicopter, lighted to look like they're moving. One neighbor has wired his lawn so that it changes patterns in time with Mannheim Steamroller on the speakers. The most recent addition to the scene is the life-sized bronze rhinoceros, all decked out in a leafy wreath collar. I guess a rhino is just as appropriate as Spiderman.

Once again, my family will receive virtual pigs and goats from Heifer, with the actual beasties going to third world families. I know, pigs and goats don't exactly scream "Merry Christmas" either. So I will be sending cookies and candy, which is what Baby Jesus would have wanted

Thanksgiving Thoughts

I promised I wouldn't blog about the election, because I don't want to sound like a smug winner.  In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I will share the thoughts of another blogger, who expresses herself more eloquently:

http://mrsbeansblog.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-america-real-america.html

I agree with her statements, and I wish some of my friends and relatives would take them to heart. I wish some total strangers would take them to heart. There is an undercurrent of hate in the air that you can reach out and touch. All 50 states have now submitted petitions to withdraw from the Union. There is a movement to impeach Obama floating around. The hope that Romney would win has turned into something really ugly. I suspect the followers of some talk radio and TV folks for whipping it up, but I have no real basis for that suspicion. People, sit down and take a few deep breaths. Go outdoors and feel the sunshine, the cool breeze, even the rain. Life goes on, for most of us.

Lies, damn lies, and pies

Saw a yard sign yesterday, saying "Three more days to save the country." I don't need to tell you how many other signs and flags and banners were there too. There was an old couple working in that yard.

Now, I don't consider myself old, even though I turned 75 last week. But, some of our friends and relatives are getting to that category. One thing we have learned over the years is that this country can survive bad presidents. Lord knows, it has already, more than once.

No matter who wins, about half the folks will be disappointed. The other half will believe that they have a mandate to heap scorn on the losers. Life goes on. Nobody has cornered the market on virtue or wisdom or a simple solution to all the problems that need solving.

My first memory of political craziness was the Red Scare and the McCarthy inquisition, looking for
Communists everywhere, ruining many reputations and careers. "Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party?" These loyalty oaths were given to every public figure and job applicant. Would you lie to get that job? Don't be silly.

In this election, each side firmly believes the other party's presidential candidates are lying, It isn't a lie to change your mind, and it isn't a lie to fail to accomplish what you intended. In fact, a skillful liar will lie in such ephemeral ways that his lies can't come back at him like a pie in the face. That's the one that gets my vote.