Hair?

When I got out of the shower and toweled my head, it didn't look so shiny. Can't see anything, but I'm hopeful. It's been a month since the last chemo treatment, so maybe, just maybe. . .I won't have to decorate my head every morning.

Last week I had my last weekly checkup (now comes the every three month checkup) and told the valet who parks my car that I wouldn't be seeing him much. He said "Well, let's make a clean break of it. Don't ask if we can just be friends, because that never works."

I'm already dreading the three-month checkups. I guess I want this to be all behind me, when I know it's not. As dear friend Mike wrote recently, lifelong watching is just one more aspect of this disease. He quotes from Coleridge "like one who on a lonesome road, doth walk in fear and dread, and having once turned round walks on and turns no more his head, because he knows a frightful fiend doth close behind him tread." That is no way to live. I plan to throw back my shoulders, put on a happy face, and get on with it!

Big Thoughts

...."A human being is a part of the whole, called by us, "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest -- a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security."Albert Einstein - (1879-1955) Physicist and Professor, Nobel Prize 1921=

This ties with my ponderings about our search for connectedness. We reach out for others every time we visit with the neighbors at the garbage can, call or e-mail our friends, comment on their Facebook entries, join a church or group of special interests, contribute to a cause, and it is a good thing. I enjoy sending a small check to Doctors Without Borders, the Nature Conservancy, and Heifer International because it's a way to touch millions that I will never know. Heifer lets me give a breeding pair of goats to a family far away and surprise members of my family with a pair of virtual goats. Check it out at www.heifer.org

Albert would be proud of you.

Dear United Health:

You are now calling yourself Secure Horizons, among other changes that make me uncomfortable. Don’t you think the new name sounds sort of ephemeral? Like when you’re flying, the horizon is just always disappearing?

I have sent in two claims for reimbursement, both returned with a terse note from the post office: “Return to Sender; No such addressee.” Since your Florida address didn’t seem to be working, I called Customer service in Salt Lake City. I reached “Rick,” who seemed to have an accent. But then, I’ve never spoken to a Utah native, so what do I know? I asked him about the weather and he said they are having the monsoons. He suggested that I quit trying to raise Secure Horizons in Florida and send everything to United in Utah, contrary to what your notices say.

Okay, I like the old name. Reminds me of United States, United We Stand, United Fruit, real solid. However, I’m not sure it will work any better to get me my reimbursements. Want a suggestion? Give us a little more personal attention. And maybe change your name to “Aunt Bea’s Health Insurance and Guava Jelly Kitchen.”

Hey, Morons

You know who you are. You send me these endless e-mails about illegal immigrants, health care nightmares and such. If you believe this stuff, you are a moron. If you don’t, you are making me think you are. You are all entitled to your own opinions, but not your own facts.

Fact: Illegal immigrants do not vote, receive Social Security or Medicare and no one is proposing that they do.

Opinion: Many of you don’t know the difference in an illegal immigrant and a doorbell. Many of our citizens are immigrants.

Fact: Most of our hospitals are required to treat anyone that comes in as an emergency. If you have appendicitis, you don’t have to show your birth certificate or naturalization papers.

Opinion: Thank God.

Fact: The government has no plans to take over health care, except for the 40% of the payments it is already making. (Not counting tax breaks for private coverage.)

Opinion: Maybe it should. We don’t get to vote the insurance executives out of office.

Fact: The public option in the House bill is to catch those whom the insurance companies kick out because they get sick or won’t insure because they may be.

Opinion: This scares the hell out of the insurance industry, and may kill the bill.

Fact: Our country went from a balanced budget at the end of the Clinton administration to a 10 trillion deficit as of 2008.

Opinion: Don’t blame Obama.

Fact: I have been a registered Republican most of my life.

Opinion: misguided youth.

Fact: The World Health Organization pegs our health care system at number 32, just above Cuba ; France is number one.

Opinion: If you hate our country so much, move to France.

Me and my wig

Well, I settled on a 50's revival look. June's traveling with Grease and said I would fit right in. Well, it beats looking like Alton Brown (Good Eats) or Charlie Brown (Peanuts.) Wig and I will be inseparable for about 6 months, but a do-rag works around the house just fine. Some people go commando. I'd hate to scare the yard man.

First outing was yesterday, when I met an old friend for lunch downtown. She lost 50 pounds and got a facelift and we didn't recognize each other. A waiter finally figured it out and got us together. It helps to be well known among waiters. They all know CJ and what he eats.

He stayed home yesterday, involuntarily. He lives for lunch, a habit formed over many years of hanging out with his friends while I was working. I quit paying yacht club dues when it appeared that he was running with a bad crowd. Those bad boys drank way too much, and picked on him when he didn't drink at all. The real reason I quit paying was that they wouldn't let me eat there. Ladies were restricted to the room where they played cards. I went in with a few other lawyers of the male persuasion one day after a court appearance. They tried to seat them in the regular dining room and send me upstairs. Fortunately the guys suggested we go elsewhere. Black and Jewish men had already made the cut, long before women. Hell yeah I was pissed.

healthy habits

The New York Times online lets you comment at the end of many articles. I do this a lot. Makes me feel "published." Mainly gives you the last word. Or at least the 227th word out of 430 and counting.
I posted one today, after yet another article trying to relate health habits to longevity by state, with a kicker in there for the number of doctors:
"Just maybe there is no direct correlation between lifestyle and health in many categories. If you get hit by a bus it doesn’t matter how much bacon you ate. As for life expectancy, our grandparents ate much more local, fresh food, walked to town, and never got cancer. Of course, their life expectancy was 42, so they didn’t get around to it. "
This is closely related to some moronic objections to health care reform, as expressed by the head of Whole Foods, that if we just ate right we wouldn't need so many doctors. Now don't get me wrong. I think eating right is very important. After drinking eight glasses of water, nine servings of fruits and vegetables (making sure to get 25 grams of fiber, 1500 mg of calcium and 1000 of Vitamin D) we don't have much room for Snickers. Don't even hint that I brought my health problem on myself. Unless you give me a bite of your Snickers.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Some mornings start off better than others. This morning I got up, gave my hair a couple of swooshes with the brush, and literally jumped when I saw that my brush had morphed into a big cone of cotton candy. It was as big as a wadded up T-shirt. Sure, I knew I'd lose some hair, but I thought we might have a gradual thinning. I already got my wig, had it styled to match me, and my friends have supplied me with scarves. After my shower, I poured a bucketload of Drano down the drain, and called Anita.

Anita is a retired hairdresser and my guardian angel. She came over and cut my remaining hairs into what she called a "Pixie." If you can imagine a pixie that looks a lot like Charlie Brown, that's it. Maybe this is all that will happen. Sure.

I went to the oncology clinic for blood tests and coffee hour with the nurses and other patients. The subject of euphemisms came up, and we wondered about the words like oncology, cranial prosthesis, invasive carcinoma, and found that we have adopted these terms too. One woman had been to her GP, the radiologist, and the surgeon before anyone used the word "cancer." She was shocked. She remembers telling the surgeon that it wasn't fair that she should get cancer on top of all these carcinoma problems.